When I first created my Xanga account, I did it for a reason.  Not even a year ago, I was put in a situation that provided me with long periods of unsolicited reflection time.  It served as the perfect opportunity to start a journal, to capture my thoughts, to share my life with anyone who cared to know.  But I never did write that first entry.  While I had enough thoughts and emotions at that time to write a novel, I never brought myself to actually capturing it on paper- or on the computer in an online journal, as I had planned.

I guess now is as good a time as ever.  It would truly be a shame for the urge that developed at such an important season in my life to not come to fruition.  Now that I’ve taken the first step and written my first entry, I am compelled to stay true to the reason I joined the online journal world in the first place- to share thoughts and pay tribute to the woman who raised me, cared for me, and loved me, the only way she knew how.

Below is a transcript of the discourse I shared with those who attended my mother Rory’s funeral.  While I am not sure of the exact numbers, there were well over 300 people in attendance from all walks of my mother’s life… family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, friends of family, friends of friends, etc.  If you weren’t able to attend the funeral service but wanted to, if you met or knew my mother, if you never had the chance to meet her but would have cared to, or if you are just interested to know what God had put on my heart to share as I spent my last days with her, then please take the time to read (you’ll probably need a good un-interrupted 15 minutes or so).  Thank you in advance for taking part in celebrating my mother's life...

My mom was an absolutely wonderful mother and wife.  I could go on and on for days telling you of all the amazing things about her, but I know the next church service starts here at 9:30 tomorrow morning, so I’ll try to get us out of here before then.

In all seriousness, over the past two weeks, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and really think about who my mom is.  We even had a sharing session two nights ago with the entire family, where my mom’s entire immediate family- all 22 of us -sat down and shared our fondest memories about her.  As people talked about cute things like, “Oh I remember when she used to hold my hand and bring me to her piano lessons,” or  “she used to help me with my homework when I couldn’t do it on my own,” I remember sitting there trying to come up with a good cute memory like that for me to share.  The funny thing is, for some reason, many of the most vivid memories I have about interacting with my mom had to do with times when I either got in an argument with her or when I was mad at her.  I know… that sounds terrible doesn’t it?  I remember one incident clearly, when I was back in the 6^th or 7^th grade.  At the time, I was going to an all-boy’s Catholic school in Dallas, TX.  One night, there was a dance our school was having with an all-girl’s private school in the area.  I remember that my mom actually forgot to sign me up for the dance, so by the time the big night came, I wasn’t actually allowed to go because I wasn’t registered.  When she told me- oh man, there has never been a more furious 3 foot tall Asian kid in this world.  I started screaming, yelling at my mom, slamming doors… I think I even kicked over a little trash can that was in the house (funny thing is that I actually looked inside of it first to make sure there wouldn’t be any thing difficult to clean up before I kicked it over).  Anyway, I was absolutely enraged.  You may be laughing now, but think about it… all boys Catholic school… only girls I ever see during the week are at church (and they’re all my fake cousins)… and this dance only happens once a year… some of you guys would be kicking over more than trash cans.  Anyway, regardless of how unruly, how spoiled, how disrespectful, how bad I was that night, I remember her taking me and holding me, comforting me and telling me how much she loved me.  She eventually was able to make some calls and fix the registration issue so that I could go to that dance.

The thing I realized this morning though, is that the reason I remember the memories of when I was mad or fighting with my mom the most, is because that’s when I felt her true love and forgiveness the most.  No matter what I did or how I acted, she always forgave me and never stopped loving me – of course she did it with strict loving discipline many times, but that’s all part of it.  And she did the same with my dad and my sister.  If you look at the quote we put at the top of the funeral program, one of her all time favorite things to say - “Always remember that God loves you…” - she not only shared that message with people, but she LIVED that message.  She was a reflection of God’s unfailing love… that regardless of how terrible we are as children, how far we stray away from Him, He will ALWAYS love us and will ALWAYS forgive us.  It’s simply up to us to ask for and accept His love and forgiveness.  My mom was a true servant of Christ, and she spread His message and His love not only to her family, but to her friends and to strangers alike.

People have told me that when my mom was sick, they would be utterly amazed at how happy she still was.  They were amazed at how she never blamed God for her condition, how she continued to talk about His love even while the terrible cancer was destroying her mind and her body.  But the reason for her attitude was because of her faith.  She knew that regardless of what was going on her life, God loved her and always brought about a purpose for everything she was going through, even though it was so extremely difficult to accept.

Believe it or not, about half a day before my mom passed away, I had a 30 minute conversation with her.  Even though she couldn’t respond to me with words, she was communicating to me through her smiles, nods, and facial expressions.  During that conversation, I spoke with her about all of the people she had blessed in this world.  I spoke to her about the many lives that God made available for her to touch through her cancer.  I spoke to her about how our family was united, truly united in Jesus Christ for the very first time ever- because of her cancer and because of her inspirational faith.  I told her how non-believers heard about her story and were so inspired by her faith, that they too started going to church to learn about her God and why she loved Him so much; and I told her how those people now share in the same salvation that she does through Jesus Christ, because they searched truly with their hearts, and they found Him, just like she did so many years ago.  And while I was talking to her and telling her these things, I just saw her face light up.  I saw a glow on her face that I hadn’t seen in a long, long, LONG time.  While she was literally a few hours from death, all she could do was smile when she realized how many lives God had touched and changed through her.  And at the end of the conversation, to my amazement, she earnestly spoke the last words that I would ever hear from her lips.  What she said in her frail but confident voice was, “I know… God is so… good.”

My mom was an amazing person whose main goal was to spread God’s love.  She could rejoice in her illness because she knew that God was using it for good.  She was fulfilled because she knew she truly served a purpose in this life, not a purpose that would only have temporary effects in this temporary world, but have effects in people’s lives that would last for ETERNITY.

While we continue to celebrate the life of my mom, I have a challenge for each of you… to carry on her legacy of spreading God’s love.  You can even start right now.  Everyone turn to the person next to you and say to them “Always remember that God loves you.”  Thank you…I know my mom is so proud of all of you right now.

Ever since I was little, my mom taught me that Jesus loves me and will do amazing things in my life if I trust in Him.  While it may have taken me 25 long and painful years to actually discover it on my own terms before believing it, I am finally here and I am a walking testimony of a life that was changed for an eternity because my mom cared enough to share that truth with me and pray for me daily, without fail.  And if you are sitting in your seat right now wondering what your purpose is in this world… how you can make eternal changes rather than temporary ones that come and go with each changing season… then just remember what my mom taught me, and don’t let her work here on earth go to vain.  The reason all of you are sitting in this room and listening to me right now is because of my mom.  It’s no accident and definitely no coincidence- God has joined all of us here today for a reason.  But it will always be your decision…it’s ultimately up to you to do something with it.  So remember Rory for her life, her love, and the joy she had in God.  Thank her for extending her love and God’s love to you.  And never forget the message that she built her life upon and made her mission to share with you… “Always remember that God loves you.”  I love you Mom… I will see you again in heaven.